WATCH OUT! GHOSTS HOW TO FIND THEM?

We staggered from pub to pub, across town, laughing and giggling. The next day I woke up crippled with the knowledge that the day after the termination, I had been out drinking and laughing. Like nothing was wrong, like nothing had happened. I didn’t move from my bed for the rest of the week, I laid in state, miserable and obsessing… At the end of the week he turned up and got me out of bed. He refused to take no as an answer, pulling the covers off me, running his fingers down my shins and asking when I last shaved my legs. He made me shower, he dressed me and just as we were leaving, he pressed a small folded piece of paper into my hand, smiling at me. We went out, just to his work pub, where I spent the evening in a cocaine happy haze, imaging I was funny and feeling confident and beautiful and that I had done the right thing. Nothing else matter now, just that superior feeling of taking cocaine, of being inside the cliché, knowing what the joke was, waiting for the nod, the look that told you it was your turn, someone taking your hand and passing a small wrap. The expectant looks that greeted your return, the power of choosing who to pass it onto next, bargaining on who would see you right, who would look after you. And so my affair with cocaine started. -------- AUTHOR: ... TITLE: DATE: 9:57:00 AM ----- BODY: She sees me watching her and flashes back a quick grin and then she’s off again. She knows I watch for her, moving about the station, always up to something, carrying on with her business. She must be about 13. She’s skinny and her clothes don’t fit her but I’m sure she’s about the same age as my Susie. She’s like my Susie, when I last saw her. Her Mother took her away from me. They didn’t understand what was happening. I know that Susie will come back one day, Susie knew. Susie understood. I’m her Father, no-one can love or look after her like me. She’ll be back. I’m thinking about Susie for a moment when I hear a bang behind the kiosk. It’s her, ducked down low, something in her hand. She looked up at me, her eyes laughing, putting her finger to her lips. And there’s a suit at the window, slamming down his briefcase and parcels, his face red, stuttering about losing his wallet. I’m stand silent and confused as I watch him fish out his mobile phone and walk away slowly from the kiosk, still checking his pockets. “Is that his?” I asked as she pushes open my door and moves to sit in the doorway, still down out of sight. Her hair is coming out of it’s band, falling down the side of her face. She starts to go through the wallet contents, pulling out the money from the receipts. “Yeah, stupid bugger inhe, wallet in his back pocket! Bloody asking for it. Don’t matter does it? He’s alright, he’ll get new cards tomorrow, it’s only a beer money for him, nice suit like that, ain’t gonna hurt him losing a few quid. Shoulda ‘eard him on the fone”… she sucks in her cheeks and pouts “ ‘hello darling, I’ll be home in about an hour darling, yes it all went very well darling. Darling I’ve bought a present for Sebastian. Darling do keep him up so I see him tonight, chow darling’ “. She stops to laugh at herself, “I hate that sort, fucking hate ‘em. Great big bag from that kids store, wot isit, Hamley’s. Posh toys for posh kids innit” She’s bent over the wallet as she’s chatting away. I move closer to her, breathing her air. Her top is ripped at the neck and I can see the skin over her collarbone, tight and stretched and disappearing down her top. Her clothes are filthy, her skin is dirty, her hair is greasy and lank. I feel dizzy, the world feels distant and I don’t want her to leave, I don’t want anything to hurt her. I crouch down beside her. “You’re safe here”. “Yeah, I know. I know mate” She looks at me. I can’t look away. I reach for her… --------